


Is it Ever Gonna Change?

by queenietheband



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Losers Club (IT), Aged-Up Losers Club (IT), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier-centric, Future Fic, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Losers Club (IT) Friendship, M/M, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 11:46:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18387812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenietheband/pseuds/queenietheband
Summary: 3 times Richie and Eddie said they loved each other + 1 time it actually stuck(Canon death so we can all cry together)





	Is it Ever Gonna Change?

**Author's Note:**

> This is me procrastinating in writing my Byeler story and reading a lot of reddie fics so enjoy :)

They were just kids when they laid eyes on each other for the first time. Struggling to tie his shoes, Richie stared at the new kid, Eddie, in awe as he efficiently tied his own.

“Hey, how do you do that?”

Eddie glanced up in surprise, pushing forward on his hands and knees so he sat cross legged in front of Richie. He stared down at Richie’s sad attempt at tying his laces into a bow.

“My Ma taught me how to do it. She told me I always needed to have my laces tied or I could trip and hurt myself.”

He pulled apart one of his laces and held them up to demonstrate how to properly do it.

Even though Richie carefully followed his instructions, it didn’t work.

Finally, with an impatient huff, Eddie reached forward and held his ankle still while the other hand carefully tied a large bow with his laces.

Richie watched him curiously, pretending to adjust his glasses on his face so that he could see them better, hoping it would get a laugh.

It didn’t.

Eddie sat back on his haunches after he was done and furrowed his eyebrows.

“You’re weird, Richie.”

Richie grinned in response, his two missing front teeth giving him an even wider smile. “Weird is my middle name.”

Eddie smiled a little but continued gazing at him as if Richie was about to combust.

Instead, Richie pulled out a yo-yo from his pocket and held it up, letting it swing like a pendulum as Eddie’s eyes carefully tracked the motion.

“You ever play with a yo-yo before?”

Eddie ducked his head bashfully and fiddled with an inhaler hanging from his hips. “Nah. Ma doesn’t like me playing with it because one time I accidently hit myself in the face when I was trying to do it.”

Richie let out a loud guffaw and Eddie looked miffed before he also started laughing. Both kids sat there, laughing together in their kindergarten classroom at something that really wasn’t that funny.

Richie’s laughter slowly died down and he suddenly sat up and leaned closer to Eddie until their noses almost touched. His hands were shaking excitedly. “I can show you how to do it without hitting yourself.”

Eddie grinned too, his nervousness from being a new kid already fading away a while ago. “Okay.”

It didn’t take long for Eddie to get the hang of it and by the time the school day was finished, he had become a yo-yo master. Both boys were huddled together by the swings, trying to untangle the yo-yo string from Eddie’s inhaler when Richie’s mom came to pick him up.

Richie finally got it free and turned to Eddie, his expressive eyes now at a dim glow.  
“You’ll play with me again tomorrow, right?”

Eddie looked confused. “Of course.”

Just like that, Richie’s whole face lit up and he grabbed onto Eddie’s shoulders before tugging him into a close hug that only little kids knew how to do. Eddie was so surprised that he didn’t even get the time to hug him back.

Richie pulled away and grinned at Eddie, poking his cheek playfully. “I love you.”

Eddie looked shocked. “You don’t love me. You can only love your Ma.”

Richie looked at Eddie innocently. “Well, my mom told me that you always tell your friends that you love them.”

Eddie looked up at the sky, contemplating this newfound idea before he finally grinned excitedly. “Okay. Well then, I love you too.”

In a flash, Richie had run off to his mom, tripping over his shoelaces that had somehow come undone.

Eddie watched him leave, an excited feeling building up in him.

His first friend.

* * *

"Are you sure we should be going over there?”

Stan crossed his arms and glanced pointedly at Richie. “You always say you know the way, but it’s never right.”

Richie turned back around from the front of the pack and rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry Stan the Man, I always come down this way when I’m going home. It’s fine.”

Bev glanced at him curiously as she leaned against the tree she was standing under. “When do you come this way? School isn’t even close to here.”

Richie looked surprised that she even had to ask. He gestured towards Eddie. “I go this way when I’m coming home from Eddie Spaghetti’s.”

Eddie scoffed and stood up from his place next to Bill. “Yeah, but what do you do when the door is locked like it is now?”

Richie glanced back at the door that was normally always open, the chain tied tightly around the handle to block it from being opened.

He grinned. “I just wait until they unlock it.”

A simultaneous groan of annoyance went through the group as all of the losers slowly started to get up and head back to where they started at.

They had just seen the midnight premiere of a new movie at the theater and even though it was good, they all silently chided themselves for seeing it so late at night. All of Derry seemed to be asleep when they got out of the movie and since all were nervous to be walking alone in the dark, Richie had (graciously, in his opinion) decided to be the leader for once and show them the shortcut to get closer to Bill’s house, where they were planning to spend the night.

“C’mon you guys, we just gotta wait until Bob gets here so he can open the bar, it’s fine.”

Mike put his arm around Richie and began to tug him along behind the rest of the group. “Hey, you tried your best. We all just want to go home.”

Richie grumbled under his breath, too tired himself to even try and make the situation look a little bit less daunting.

The group was moving along in silence for a while, Bill back to leading them, when Eddie spotted it.

He stopped in his tracks and clutched Bill’s arm, his mind going blank.  
“What’s wrong, Eddie?”

Shakily, he pointed towards the side of the pharmacy building, his eyes growing larger in fear.  
Bill followed his gaze, slowly coming to a stop too.

Digging through the trash can was a homeless man, covered in dirt and some clothing that had been shredded from use. He was too deep into his activity to notice the teenagers but Eddie still remained frozen in fear.

The others shared looks. They knew how he felt, although each had their own demons. It had been a couple of years since they had last seen Pennywise, but every time a reminder was there, it all came crashing back.

Slowly, Bill leaned over to hurdle Eddie towards the middle of the pack, so as to hide his view from his monster. With shaking breaths, Eddie allowed himself to be pushed until he was standing next to Richie, who was chewing on his bottom lip in worry.

He grabbed Eddie’s hand.

Together the group maneuvered past the man, who still hadn’t paid them any attention and once they were safely in the outskirt of Bill’s neighborhood did everyone take a collective breath.

“I’ll make you some hot chocolate when we get there, okay?” Ben wrapped an arm around Eddie’s other side and he only nodded to know he heard.

Richie squeezed his hand, slowing down to let Eddie set the pace.

He knew how much Eddie hated seeing that. Richie remembered when it had first happened, Eddie couldn’t even talk.

It hurt seeing him so scared then and it still hurt now.

As soon as everyone entered Bill’s house and all moved along the living room, finding their comfortable sleeping bags that had previously been set up, it didn’t take long for everyone to dose off into a deep slumber. Loud snores and quiet sniffles of sleep arose in the silent room. They were with each other. They were safe.

Eddie still felt fear rise in his throat like bile.

He shuffled out of his sleeping bag and tiptoed onto the front porch of the house, careful to not make any noise.

Sitting against the banister, he surveyed the yard, the houses sitting proudly around him, the silver lighting of the moon falling against his skin.

“What are you doing out here?”

Eddie jumped, grasping the beam he was sitting against so he didn’t fall into the bushes below. “Fucking hell, Richie, why did you do that?”

Richie slowly padded over to him, climbing so he sat side by side on the railing.

“I was having a nightmare, woke up and didn’t see you so I figured you were out here.”

Eddie glanced over at him, trying to make out his face from the glow of the streetlight.

“Want to talk about it?”

Richie didn’t reply, instead taking off his bottle-thick glasses and swinging them around. Eddie understood though, he always understood.

Eddie sighed. “I couldn’t sleep. Just couldn’t stop thinking about earlier.”

“What, when I dropped my popcorn all over you at the movies? I told you I’d make it up to you.”

Eddie looked at him bewilderment, even though Richie was wearing a shit-eating grin. “No you incredible dumbass, I meant with the homeless guy.” He shook his head, trying to rid the feeling of absolute disgust roiling through him every time he pictured the man.

He knew it was irrational to be so scared of those people. He knew it was irrational to even be scared of germs. Eddie wasn’t as much as a germaphobe anymore, but it still sent chills down his spine whenever he thought about it. “I just feel like I’m never going to get over it, to move on with my life.”

Richie leaned against him, his voice trying to be as quiet as possible. “Well, you don’t have to deal with this all on your own.”

A small smile graced Eddie’s face. “I know. I’m glad I got you guys. I don’t know how I would have made it this far without all of you.”

Richie shoved his shoulder. “Hey, I was talking about me. Consider me your personal knight in shining armor, Ed’s.”

Eddie shoved him right back, not even caring that much if Richie was about to fall. “Beep, beep dipshit.” He leaned his head against his shoulder though, sighing contentedly, the lull of sleep finally falling over him like a blanket.

“Seriously though, thanks Rich. I love you.”

He shifted and leaned his head atop of Eddie’s.

“I love you too.”

* * *

Eddie didn’t know what he had gotten himself into.

He was back in his hometown of Derry, sitting in a Chinese restaurant with his old best friends (no, family), hearing about how his greatest fear was back to wreak havoc on them again.

He really had a shitty life.

“I really didn’t want this to happen again and I certainly didn’t want to have to drag any of you into this…” Mike scrubbed his worn out face with his hands and looked tiredly at the wall behind Eddie, caught up in his own emotions.  
Eddie watched him for a moment, his mind still not having processed the words he was hearing. Mike looked so old sitting at the head of the table, wearing a soft sweater that clung to his shriveled frame. He hadn’t known his friend had been stuck in this town for so long, 27 years to be precise, and the guilt eating away at his stomach flared up again. He moved his gaze across the table to Bill, who was talking about something animatedly, his dark eyebrows pulled down in frustration. He had the same face, albeit with wrinkles, but it was still the face of the losers’ fearless leader.

Before Eddie could glance towards the rest of his strange, yet familiar friends, a large hand shot out and hovered above his own, before limply falling back. Eddie gently pushed his glasses that were sliding down his nose and peeked through his hair to the side of him where the owner of the hand sat.

Richie Tozier. When he had walked into the small room, Eddie almost didn’t recognize him. He was tall and broad shouldered, wearing a bomber jacket pulled over a buttoned shirt and black jeans. His curly hair had been chopped shorter, looking nothing like Eddie had slowly remembered it had looked when they were kids. He had laugh lines along his eyes, his long nose still prominent in his side profile. His eyes were focused on the silverware in front of him, adamantly avoiding Eddie’s curious gaze.

Eddie didn’t blame him. He wasn’t quite sure himself how he should be acting.  
Looking down at his own shaking hands, though, Eddie wished Richie had just built up the nerve and held his hand, an all too familiar feat that he seemed to unconsciously remember from when they both needed comfort.

“You guys, we have to do this. We have to stop It.”

Eddie looked up, his heart aching with every word out of her voice. Beverly sat near the corner of the long table, next to Bill, her bright jarring blue eyes staring back at him with such ferocity. She was the only one at the table besides Bill who seemed to actively know what was happening, the others still trying to wrap their heads around it.

Eddie finally stopped dicking around and tried to focus, willing his mind to not freak out.  
Pennywise was back, killing people again. They were the only people who could kill It.

Eddie hated that he knew what he was supposed to do.

“You’re right, Bev. We need to kill that fucking clown once and for all.”

Everyone looked at Eddie, trying to hide their shock when they heard his steely voice. Even Eddie was shocked. This was the first time since his marriage with Myra that he actually felt like his words meant something.

Slowly, around the table, voices of agreement rose up, each glancing at each other to show that they were in fact, about to do this.

(No one dared mention the fact that although all at the table had agreed, they were still missing a seventh and an important voice of agreement.)

Finally, Richie cleared his throat and the scraping of his chair as he pushed back bristled through Eddie’s thoughts.

“Ed’s is right. We have to kill that motherfucker once and for all. So I can go back to living my life away from all you assholes.”

A chorus of beep, beep Richies filled the air and slowly their somber moved switched into laughter.

Richie shook his head, clearly caught in the moment of nostalgia and looked around at all the other losers.

“I really did miss you guys, even if I didn’t fully remember I missed you. I just,” He paused and his eyes began to tear up. “I love you guys.”

His eyes scanned over the room until they landed on Eddie’s face. It seemed as if Richie was staring straight into his soul, his feelings and emotions almost tangible in the space between them. “I love you.”

Eddie’s mind slowed down and without even stopping to think if it was a good idea or not, his hand shot out and wrapped around Richie’s hidden under the table. Their clammy and shaky hands clasped together, but it brought the comfort that they both seemed to need.

And as everyone around the table echoed their love back to Richie and Eddie’s response was lost in the set of voices, he didn’t mind.

He knew Richie understood.

* * *

Richie had never felt so numb in his life.

Nothing could ever touch the amount of pain coursing through his veins as he stared down at the blood gushing out of the man that he had always loved.

His voice sounded as hollow as Richie felt. “H-Hang on, Ed’s. Beverly’s almost got Pennywise, if you just hold on a little longer, we can get you help.”

His shaky hands tried to wrap the torn fabric around the stump where Eddie’s arm was supposed to be, but the blood was already soaked completely through. He gently shook Eddie’s shoulders. “It’ll be okay.”

Eddie’s emptying eyes groggily opened and closed, almost as if they were losing control. He glanced at Richie before his eyes shut again.

Richie swore under his breath, trying to pull Eddie closer to his chest so he couldn’t hear the sounds of the monster being beaten by both Beverly and Bill, but deep down Richie knew it wouldn’t matter.

“Rich, you just have to….”

Eddie’s hoarse and barely there voice peeked through the other sounds in the cave they were in, a clear struggle to even say. He couldn’t even finish his sentence, but Richie knew what he was trying to say. He had been repeating the same thing over and over again, his voice losing its spark the more Eddie said it.

_Rich, you just have to leave me here._

“Over my dead body, Eddie Spaghetti. I’m not letting you go just yet,” Richie’s voice wavered but he kept his grip on Eddie’s good arm firm.

He was so desperately trying to stay hopeful, but the more suffocated the cave began to feel, the more Richie knew it was all going to change.

They only thing he and Eddie seemed to be fighting against was time.

Oh, how little of it they had left.

Eddie’s cold hand struggled to wrap around Richie’s arm. Richie focused back on Eddie’s gaunt face.

He hadn’t even realized how much Eddie had changed until he was lying in Richie’s arms again.

His fluffy dark hair was streaked with a few flickers of gray (masked now by the blood and dirt caked all over) and his round baby face was still soft and spotted with freckles along the bridge of his nose. His once bright dark eyes that always stared at Richie in annoyance or awe were losing their shine, mulling into a dark empty void.

It brought Richie back into reality. Eddie was really going to die.

“H-hey, don’t shut down on me. Just hold on Ed’s it’s going to be alright we just have to get back to the surface and you and I can go to hospital and they’ll fix you ri-”

“Rich, please, don’t…”

Eddie’s voice was barely a whisper now, his light was fading fast. The hand resting against Richie’s arm slide down till his fingers brushed over the palm of Richie’s hand. With a burst of energy that could only be described as one last gift from above, Eddie laced his fingers through Richie”s and squeezed.

Richie began to wilt. He was losing a battle that could never be won in the first place.

He didn’t even realize he was crying until he saw his tears fall against Eddie’s chin.

“Please, Ed’s, I just got you back. Don’t leave me. I can’t….I can’t lose you all over again.”

Eddie eyes barely opened, but Richie felt him staring straight through him. “Richie, don’t call me that. You know I…”

He took a deep, gasping breath in and both seemed to know it was his last.

Eddie opened his eyes and squeezed Richie’s hands as much as he could.

The two stared at each other, both lost in their memories, the moments they wish they could go back and say that all of it was for nothing, they were just going to lose each other in the end.

No matter what.

Richie took away his hand that had been unsuccessfully trying to staunch the flow of blood and raised it to caress Eddie’s cheek, the blood leaving a smear along his jaw.

Eddie struggled, his body slowly stopping its shaking as the life literally drained out of him. He turned his head so it rested in the palm of Richie’s hand.

“You know I love you, Rich. I love you more than anything in the world.” Eddie’s eyes begun to close, the lull of endless sleep begin to fill his very bones.

Richie clung to those last few words, closing his eyes to remember.

Eddie’s innocent response to Richie’s “I love you” when they first met. Sitting on the railing on a front porch as the silver of the moon light up Eddie’s already glowing face. His soft and steady hands slipping into Richie’s at the restaurant, grounding him like it always did when he saw the words leave Eddie’s mouth.

Carefully with the hand not clutching Eddie’s, Richie leaned over closing his eyelids and kissing his cold forehead, the man he loved already gone.

“I love you too, Eddie. I’ll love you till the day I die.”


End file.
